50 days smoke free!131 dollars saved so far.

Husband is back home as of yesterday, so we will be spending a few days cleaning and shopping and living life. Not much more to tell honestly.

I want my husband home now! That is all.

Went back to the gym yesterday for the first time in over a week. Weather kind of stopped us from going...among other things that are really out of our control. But I felt great after we were done. I did 20 min of Treadmill at 3.2 speed. kept my heart rate up to 163 for most of that 20 min and I was sweating my ass off. Today we are gonna do out Cardio/strength training. Looking forward to that.

40 days quit so far!405 cigarette's not smoked and $106.22 saved. Not to mention I have added 1 day and 9 hours to my life. Isn't that interesting. I will admit that I smoked a cigarette at the super bowl party. It was a moment of weakness but it was horrible.And I haven't had a taste for one since then either. I think in about another month I will be ready to tackle cutting my caffeine out. Although these head aches just from cutting back are killing me. We are going back to the gym today.lately I haven't wanted to go to the gym. I just don't feel the motivation to go. I just want to sit in my house were it's nice and warm and not come out till spring.Anyhow, normally when I start something I have to force myself to do it at least for the first few weeks. So I am charging my Ipod up and getting my stuff ready so we can go! Getting it done and out of the way for today is the best effort I can give and if that gets the job done,then so be it.

I have lost count of the days now, but I used a program the other day that said I had saved my lungs from 300 ciggs and saved 60 bucks so far by not smoking. So it's been over a month and here I sit bored and all I can think about is smoking. The bad part is, tomorrow is the Super Bowl, and I am to attend a party where most of the people smoke. Will I be able to keep it together? Is it to soon for me to be around people who smoke? I don't know if I have enough will power to not social smoke, and we all know that social smoking for me = falling off the wagon. Part of me wants to not attend, but I can't avoid every social event just because I don't smoke anymore. People have to learn to cope with these things. Then there is the whole thing were I don't know anyone except the person throwing the party. SO... lets recap...stressful situation where I will know no one but the hosts, where everyone most likely will me smoking... and I am suppose to have the will power to not smoke!

Day 23, My husband came home Thursday and I have been spending lots of time with him and the kids. There isn't much to tell right now.

day 20 of no smoking. Tomorrow My husband comes home after being away on duty for 4 months. I realize thats not a lot time when we have soldiers who are away for so much longer, but I am still happy he will be coming home and thankful all the same. Also, My youngest son turned 10 today. We are planning to do something small for him Saturday. Cake and Ice Cream and maybe a special dinner. There has been lots to do lately, but now that he will be home tomorrow I just want to sit here and wait.

Day 18, Just got back from the Gym. Haven't thought much about smoking lately. I think it's best if I find other things to talk about because talking about it just makes me think about it and I don't want to think about it.

Over the weekend I worked on prepping wood for the bookshelves That I am building with my Brother-in-law. They are a gift for my husband for his B-day/Christmas since he wasn't here for either. Military life kept him busy and away from home the past 4 months. He is due home this Thursday. I have been busting my ass to get this stuff done around here. I wish I had started on the shelves sooner honestly.I did manage to get a lot done while he was gone though.I got all the wood trim on the outside of the house replaced and painted. I got the tile work in our master Bathroom finished and the shower is now usable again! I still have to get the floor done in that bathroom and in the front entry. next on our list is to replace a part in the AC unit so we don't have to replace the entire unit. oh and the new car this year, since we have never owned a new car. So any way, I have 10 pieces of wood left to stain today. The last 8 are gonna be a pain in the ass because they are 10 ft long which means I have to find somewhere to put them to stain them, not sure where though. I guess I can borrow those plastic chairs of Tabitha's and use her method. It doesn't hurt to try someone else's theories.

day 16, I thought about having a smoke today. Not sure why I thought about it, but I did. I didn't smoke though. I spent the day cutting and sanding wood. Now I am so tired I can't sit still or I am dozing off, like I am right now. I just want to go to sleep at this point.

Day 15, Yesterday I started this coughing that I can't get to stop. Lots of nasty stuff coming up. I guess it's from 17 yrs of smoking, who knows. I feel like I have never smoked, the smell bothers me a lot. Yesterday while I was at Kohl's there was a woman who was in the isle with us who smoked, and whoaaa you could tell... I could smell her two isles away, and when she got to our isle... I had to move as far away as I could without being rude. It smelled so horrible.I can't believe I walked around smelling like that. To think of all the people who moved to get away from me smelling like an ashtray. The major downfall to quiting smoking is the eating. It's a battle finding something to take place of smoking. Anything you pick isn't gonna be good for you. Some people use hard candy( which I bought some),Some people use gum ( also bought some). None of which work as well as I would like, but do just enough to keep me in check I guess.

I just found out today my friends boyfriend started his first day of not smoking today. It's going a little harder for him. He smoked for a shorter time than I did,but he smoked none filter ciggs, so I can imagine how hard it's gonna be for him. I hope it goes well, if he can make it the first 3 days, he might be ok.

Day 13, Yesterday I got up and went to the gym. 50 min workout, then it was back home to get the kids up and moving. I think it was about 10 am when I got sleepy and decided to take a nap, Again I slept for 3-4 hours. So by the time I woke up it was time for the kids to be home. I have got to stop this sleep pattern I am starting here. Maybe tomorrow I will stay up and do laundry all day and try to go to bed at a reasonable time tomorrow night. Here's Hoping!

Today I got up early and went to the gym. I was working out at 5am bleh. I have never craved smokes in the morning. for the past 17 yrs I can get up in the morning and not ever touch one till around 11am or later. So I feel really good, I felt like I had more wind in me at the gym, I could push harder on the Treadmill and other equipment I tried out. I think it was about 10 am when I started getting sleepy, so I laid down thinking I would take a short cat nap, which turned into a 4 hours sleep. I guess I was tired and didn't know it.

Anyhow, back to the gym tomorrow. Wonder if I can make exercising my drug of choice instead of nicotine? Eventually this is gonna have to turn into a food journal to keep with all the crap I eat instead of smoking... so not good for the things I am trying to do, but I can only do so many things at once before I fall off the wagon. Next will be soda. Water and tea...no more soda! ha! we will see if I can do that again.

Day 11, Feeling pretty good today. I can actually recall thinking about smoking for a split second in passing right after we ate lunch earlier. Thank God for packs of gum lol.

so today I want to touch on something else that is really bother me. Divorce,separation etc.

In the past few months I have learned that a few of our friends have separated and are either already divorced or heading that way. People that really weren't married very long. Now I know that ever one does what's best for them and sometimes things just don't work out. But sometimes I think people get lost in the shuffle of life and lose sight of the reasons they married in the first place.They give up to easily, they don't fight for it, they just throw there hands in the air and say " oh well divorce is the answer" and they move on.Why don't people fight more for love? Why haven't people figured out that marriage for all the wrong reasons still makes it wrong. because often times we here : " we married cause I got pregnant" or " I did it to get out of my parents house" or many other reasons I have heard. Why has it been 3 generations of people and we don't evolve enough to know better?

I just want people to know... There are stable,wonderful marriages. There are people who are so compatible that every day life is like that first sight of snow in the morning before anyone has touched it.... breath taking. I don't know why people don't fight harder for love. But I do know I will always fight for it,I will never give up on it. My husband will have me by his side until the day I take my last breath. He is my best friend.

Day 10. Yesterday was pretty bad. I was in such a bad mood all day. In my mind a smoke would have made me relax to the point of functioning, but I had to tough it out. Which meant I was in a horrible mood all day. I was out for blood so to speak. A friend of mine told me about these things called e-ciggs which would be a great thing if you wanted to quit the smoking part only. It's like 20 bucks for 30 ciggs that charge up? They look like real smokes and are flavored with whatever you like, and they give you the nicotine that you normally get from a smoke. But my point to him as he was so confidently advertising for them, was that it only takes 3 days to get nicotine out of your system, and all I would be doing at this point was reintroducing a drug that would cause me to smoke again. Then I would be paying 20 bucks for fake smokes, but I would smoke the same as before. So instead of 5 bucks ever 2-3 days it would be 20 bucks? Plus who knows what the side effect of something like this are. Lets be honest here, it can't possibly be worse than really smoking( one would think) but do we really know what other chemicals they actually add to this contraption. It's interesting, and neat looking,but seriously? a smoking device to help you quit smoking lol.(which btw puts out steam, not smoke)

Which brings me to my own question now. Can smoking be a mood stabilizer? Can it be something that actually helps you mentally keep your cool. Is it a convenient excuse? or is there some facts in this idea? My husband would say it's just an excuse, but I have to wonder because I know what smoking did for me, when he was gone or times got stressful. But could all that just be in my head?

Day 9 of not smoking. I am getting more comfortable with it. I went yesterday and bought me some butterscotch hard candies to help with the cravings of having something in my mouth. So far so good. Sometimes though I still feel like something is missing, and then I figure out what it is. I want to know how I will feel next week at the Gym, now that my lungs are getting some much needed relief. I still have been very irritable but I am trying to counter act that with coffee. I don't really like coffee much, but it take the edge off first thing in the morning. I still can't bring myself to be around people who smoke, I just am so afraid I will give in and ask for a smoke, and honestly who is gonna tell me "no" and mean it. Anyway, hopefully I can get use to this program and post regularly. Then I can blog about other things I want to improve around here.

First task of 2010...

So for my new years resolution I vowed I would first and foremost quit smoking. I am more than half way through day 6. I have tried this a few times, so I know the pattern I go through. The first three days are the worst for me. For the first three days it is best if I avoid people, specially people who smoke ( or people I want to keep as friends). Most people say the first day is the hardest. This is not true for me, I can make it past the cravings if I stay busy. So once the nicotine is out of my system it's the mental stuff that gets to me. I find myself looking to grab a smoke after I finish a meal. Or just while I am sitting at my computer playing WoW. I catch myself searching for them in a split second, then I remember that I haven't had a ashtray or a cigg in the house for 6 days now. I shake my head at myself for being so silly and forgetting, but it's out of a 17 yr habit that I keep reaching for something that isn't here. Maybe I can blog about this journey and then add others, as I have a long list of things I want to accomplish this year.